The Yoga of Friendliness

There are 7 centers in our subtle body and each center is associated with one particular type of Yoga. For example:
The Mooladhar center, which is situated in the base of the spine, is the controller of our physical body. And as the body does all actions (karma), the Karma yoga, which is the Yoga of Action gets associated with the Mooladhar Center. Similarly the Tantra yoga is associated with the Swadhisthan Center. In the same way,There are 7 centers in our subtle body and each center is associated with one particular type of Yoga. For example:
The Mooladhar center, which is situated in the base of the spine, is the controller of our physical body. And as the body does all actions (karma), the Karma yoga, which is the Yoga of Action gets associated with the Mooladhar Center. Similarly the Tantra yoga is associated with the Swadhisthan Center. In the same way,

Gyan Yoga is Based on Maitree –The Friendliness.
The Gyan yoga, which literally means the yoga of knowledge, is perhaps the yoga about which one has the least knowledge. Sometimes, the Gyan yoga and the Sankhya yoga are considered to be one and the same and sometimes it is described as Sanayas yoga. But in reality the Gyan yoga is the yoga of Maitree – the friendliness. And it is really surprising that we don’t talk about Maitree yoga. And the number of people who have attained the Supreme Absolute through gyan yoga is not less than those who have been in communion through the Bhakti yoga.

Once, I was conducting an Anand Pragya program in Ranchi – in the institution of Coal Management and there, one friend asked me that the ‘gopis’- the village milk maids during the time of Krishna- were in love with Krishna. But what about those cowherd friends! His childhood friends! What was their relation with Krishna? Was their relation also that of deep attraction? Attraction is certainly the basis of love. Were the cowherd friends also attracted by Krishna? Were they also in love? I told them that those cowherds were in friendliness with Krishna andthat this friendliness can also form the basis of communion with the Supreme Absolute. The basis of friendliness or the center of friendliness is not mainly the deep affection but it is the RESPECT. The cowherd friends of Krishna were not in love with him and when a person is in friendship, he or she is not in love. There is a certain kind of belongingness and there is respect also. So, Gyan yoga is associated with Vishudh Center and its basis is respect and friendship.It is said that the teachings of Gautam Buddha were mainly about Gyan yoga. At least whatever he taught through words, which later on became the holy book of Buddhism after Buddha, was certainly based on Gyan yoga. It is entirely a different thing that apart from Gyan yoga also there were a few teachings of Buddha, which could not be included in the sacred books but continue to exist even today through face to face, eye to eye contact.
But as far as the sacred books are concerned, they were all based on Gyan yoga. And the entire Gyan yoga of Gautam Buddha is based on friendliness.
Not only the Gyan yoga of Buddha, but all Gyan yoga is primarily based on Maitree – the friendliness.

Gautam Buddha – The Messenger of Friendliness
Gautam Buddha lays a lot of emphasis on friendliness. For e.g. we can say that the preaching of Guru Nanak Dev jee are primarily that of Bhakti yoga. Similarly, if I were asked to define the yoga on which the Gautam Buddha’s teachings are based; I would say – the Gyan yoga. So, as Guru Nanak Dev jee has spoken very high of love and devotion in form of the basis of Bhakti yoga, in the same way, Gautam Buddha had immensely lauded friendliness as the basis of the Gyan yoga. He has called himself the messenger of friendliness and during the last moments of his life, Gautam Buddha said –”next time, I’ll come again and incarnate as Maitreya and spread the message of friendship.” Gautam Buddha was not in favor of boundaries between the countries. He wanted to spread the message of friendship in such a way so that the whole earth becomes a family – Vasuddhaiv Kutumbkam. All respect each other and live amicably. The short stories narrated by Gautam Buddha carry essentially the message of friendliness. One of such stories, which I like very much is:

A Short Story on Friendship
Once a falcon lived on a tree and on a tree near by there lived a she falcon. One day the falcon says to the she falcon – ‘I would like to marry you”. The she falcon says, “Before I decide to marry you I would like to know if you have any friends”. The he falcon answers, “No, I don’t have any friend”. The she falcon says, “No, then I can’t marry you. I can’t marry somebody who doesn’t even have friends.
The falcon asks, “If I make some friends, then, will you marry me? The she falcon says, “ then I will give a second thought to it”.
The falcon goes back. On his way back, he meets a heron. He asks him, “My dear heron, I want to be your friend, will you be my friend?”
Now, just remember one thing that when you express your love towards some one, then there are chances of acceptance but there is also a possibility of rejection. If you say – “I love you.” It is not necessary that the other will also say the same thing. He or she may say – I don’t. But when you extend your friendship and when you say that you want to be friends, there are ninety nine percent chances that the other would agree to it.
So, that heron also said, “I would certainly like to be your friend”.
And both of them became friends. Then, the falcon goes to a tortoise and says – ‘O dear tortoise, will you be my friend?’ The tortoise also says – ‘I respect your feelings and let’s be friends.’ Then the falcon goes to the lion and says – you are the king of forest and I am the king of the sky. Let’s be friends. The lion also agreed and they both become friends.
Now the falcon goes to the she falcon and tells – I have made three friends. Will you marry me now? She says, “Yes, three is a good number. Now we can marry”. Finally they get married and start living on the same tree in the same nest. Baby falcons are also born to them and they both are very happy.
But one evening, two hunters come to rest under that tree. At night they both feel hungry and they also hear the noise of baby falcons. One of them says – it seems some birds live on this tree, go and get them. We will roast them and eat.
The hunter starts climbing the tree. The she falcon gets worried and asks the falcon to do something. The life of our children is in danger. The falcon goes to the heron for help. The heron says – I’ll try to do something to help you. He goes to the lake near by and takes a dip there. The wings get wet. Then he goes to the place where the hunters had lit fire, and sprinkled some water on the fire with his wet wings. He does it again to put out the fire. The hunter calls back his friend and asks him to climb down and first help him to light the fire properly. Both of them now start trying together. The she falcon again gets worried and asks the falcon to do something as the heron is also tired and won’t be able to do much. The falcon now goes to the tortoise for help. The tortoise says, “ I will try to do something”. Very slowly, he walks along the lake so that the hunters are able to perceive him. Both the hunters see him and want to catch him in a piece of cloth. But the tortoise is very strong in mud. He pulls both the hunters into the lake. The hunters are not able to catch the tortoise and have to also leave the cloth. “The tortoise was indeed very smart,” says one of the hunters. “Never mind, let’s try to light the fire again”. Says the other. Now the she falcon gets very worried and asks the falcon to go to the lion for help. The falcon goes to the lion. The lion comes there and starts roaring. Both the hunters get very scared and run away. The falcon says to his wife, “Darling, you are right. We must certainly have friends.
‘The life is blissful only if we can call someone our own’.

First Step of Gyan Yoga – Worldly Friendship
Don’t forget that the life has no meaning at all if you don’t have someone you love in this world? What is the purpose?
Have you heard the Gazal sung by Jagjit Singh which says – If you have nothing to do with those who love you, then why are you living? Why are you alive? Not only this much, then why have you taken birth? Therefore, you should certainly have some friends. And this friendliness can also be made the basis, which would lead your way to the Supreme Absolute. How can that be done? Well, the starting would be with the friendship, which is other oriented. During childhood, we have so many friends; we sit together and chat for hours and hours. When we are not able to meet a friend, we become sad. This is worldly friendship.
The Sufi saint says, “The love in this world becomes the door to the divine love”. Similarly, the friendship in this world is the gateway to the divine friendliness.
Sometimes friends become so important that even wives are jealous. But this is other oriented friendliness, which is worldly friendship. Your consciousness is directed towards your friend, you forget your Self. This is impure friendliness when you forget your Self and do something; it becomes the impure form of it. But remember, impure can be made pure. The diamond, when it comes from the mine, is in its impure form. It can be made pure. But, it has to be a diamond. If you will start purifying a pebble, it can’t become diamond. And purification can be done of something, which is impure. Pure friendliness is Self-respect. When you emember your friend, remember how much he respects you. Know that at least there’s one person on the earth who respects you. What does friendship means? It means – respect – you are not unwanted, you are not uninvited. At least one person respects you. At least one person seeks your company. At least there’s one person who enjoys your proximity. At least for one person, you are very important. And without you, the life of at least one person will become will not be the same. Somebody will miss you.

Second Step: Friendliness with Self
And then something different happens. You start respecting yourself. Earlier, you were not even able to respect yourself if others were not respecting you. For you to respect yourself, at least one person was required to respect. But then something different happens – pure RESPECT, self oriented RESPECT, to respect yourself or to be in friendliness with your own self. This is purified worldly friendliness –when you start respecting your self.
You will be surprise to know that we don’t live in friendliness with our own self.
Have you ever taken care of your self as you do for your friend? Do you remember any moment of friendliness towards your own self? Very rare, and when you are filled with respect towards your own self, then many things start happening. And why should you not respect your self? And why should you not be proud of your self? Just remember the greatness of the place, which you belong to and you would start feeling proud of yourself. Also know the difference between the ego and the self-pride.

‘Others should respect me’ – this is ego. ‘I respect my self’ - this is self –pride.
Ego is an obstacle in the journey towards the Supreme Absolute where as self- pride proves to be helpful in this journey. Another difference, which I would like to tell you is that the ego says – I am great, I am a great orator, I am very rich, I hold an important post, that’s why people should respect me. But self – pride means the place or the person I am associated with is great. I am an Indian and India is a great country; that’s why I respect my self. Krishna and Ram are my ancestors and they are the greatest beings of this world that’s why I respect my self – this is self -pride. So, the next step is that of self-pride – you start respecting your self. In this way, the worldly friendliness has two forms – pure and impure.

Third Step - Friendliness with Master
Now the next step is that you start respecting the Guru. Guru means somebody who knows Govind – the Supreme Absolute and in whom Govind has taken the visible form. And when you start respecting Guru, this may be called “gauni maitree” you respect that person very much and you remember him all the time.
Guru is your friend. Gautam Buddha says that Guru is your well-wisher. And what does a friend mean? Somebody who protects you, somebody who helps you progress in all fields, in all dimensions – that person is your friend. And Guru is obviously the person who helps in all round development. So Guru is your friend and your well-wisher. But this is also not the perfect friendliness. It still contains some impurities. Why is it impure? Well! Because you completely forget yourself. You are constantly thinking of your Guru. The center of your life becomes Guru. Now this will lead you to self-forgetfulness. And what so ever, leads you to self-forgetfulness – is definitely impure. Now, this can also be made pure. By the grace of Guru, it can be purified. Now don’t think of Guru as a friend or a well wisher. Just change the gestalt and feel that Guru’s grace is showering on me, Gurus friendliness is protecting me. My Guru is taking care of me and showering his grace on me. When you start experiencing the feeling of Guru’s grace, it may be called pure Gauni Maitree.

Fourth Step - Friendliness with Govind – The Supreme Absolute
But even if you stop at this point, you will not reach the Absolute. Gyan yoga says – now enter into the next step, which is “Para Maitree”. Para maitree means friendliness with the vast. Until now you were with a person. In worldly friendship, your friend was a person and in friendliness with Guru, sure, you are associated with the cosmic consciousness, but it is remitted to an individual. But now in this step, it’s a big leap and you ate in friendliness with vast whole. There’s no person there, it is the whole existence there. When enter into the friendliness, your life changes completely. Friendliness with Supreme beloved means automatically the friendliness with the whole existence. But here also, we might fall into the trap. It is very much possible that you forget your own self in the friendliness with the existence. In this step, you are going at a very high speed and just a little distraction can take you very far away from your goal. Now remember that this also has to be purified. This would be impure friendliness with existence that you remember the whole vast experience but you forget your own self. Now the next step would be that you start feeling that from the whole vast existence, the vibrations of friendliness are coming towards you. This is Swakendrit para-maitree, which means to be in friendliness with the whole vast existence oriented towards the self. The Grace, the friendliness is showering on you. You start feeling that EXISTENECE is taking care of you.
A poet saint has very beautifully expressed the feeling of a seeker who has realized this truth. He says – “Just imagine my ignorance and illusion that I used to think that He is not at all bothered about me, He who is actually the ruler and the director of the whole universe and takes care of the whole universe. No, He is not at all indifferent. He is very much concerned about every thing. He is constantly taking care of us. He is constantly showering friendliness on us.” When you start living in this state of being, then you enter in to the zone of Para-Bhakti. Now the ultimate destination is not far off. There is a rule in friendliness and in love that you become that whom you love. One day you yourself become the whole vast existence.